Restoring a Divine Friendship: What if Jesus was my Roommate?

It's always there. In the back of my mind, there's always that nagging thought. My friends are going to fail me. I love my friends, but too often I put them in a place that doesn't belong to them. It's a downfall that I haven't been able to fully grasp. I have a friend who is always there, who will never disappoint, who I can always talk to, and yet, I will happily and intentionally give His place in my life to someone or something that will inevitably let me down. The irony is when I do eventually surrender this position in my life to the One friend it belongs to, I find the things that disappointed me before start to make a little more sense.

I had an epiphany. I woke up Saturday morning and dragged myself to the kitchen to make myself breakfast, only to find Jesus sitting at my kitchen table. He sat there hunched over my Bible. I squinted at Him as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. He looked up, smiled, and nodded to acknowledge me. Guilt started to set in.
"Hey, did you get in late last night?" I asked.
He laughed softly. "I've been around for awhile, David."
"Right; sorry I haven't gotten around to calling you recently, but I've been so busy with school and work and," I trailed off, "everything. I just-I've been thinking of you but-" I stopped; He was watching me with an odd expression on His face. "What?"

He just shook His head. A bit perplexed, but by now somewhat familiar with this kind of behavior, I headed for the fridge. "You want something to eat?"
He grinned at me and slid the Bible across the table to where I stood. "Man cannot live on bread alone, David." He paused. "What have you been reading lately?"
I started to get annoyed. "Physics."
"Yeah? How is that working out for you?"
"It's kicking my butt."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Don't have time, I've gotta work today."
"You don't ever seem to have time, David." He stared at me.
I avoided His eyes. "Yeah, well, if you'd warned me that you'd be here, I might have been able to make time, but-"
"David, I told you-"
"Yeah, I know, you've been here; whatever. Well I haven't seen you, and you can't just drop in on me like this and expect me to just forget about everything so we can talk. I have to work, then I've got tests to study for. I might have a spot open this Tuesday if you wanna talk then. We could do lunch."

He continued to stare at me, but remained silent. My irritation grew. I sat down at the table and started to eat.
He wasn't about to let me off that easy. "So what's been going on in your life lately?"
I glared at Him over my cereal bowl. "I already told you. What's your problem?"
"So that's your life, huh?"
"For now." I said defensively.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't intend this to last the rest of my life."
"What is the rest of your life?"
"Huh?"
"How do you know this won't last the rest of your life? You could be gone tomorrow."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that if you're trying to put me off, than don't. If I'm not the most important part of your life, I should be."
"I don't think you really have any say in that, do you?" I mocked.
"That depends on how hard you want this to be." He said, seemingly nonplussed by my sarcasm.
"Are you threatening me?"
"I'm trying to save you some trouble."
"It appears that you're trying to give me trouble, which seems to be the case more often than not when you show up."
"I don't show up, David, I'm always-"
I jumped from my seat, sending my chair to the floor. "Shut up! Just shut up! I didn't ask for this."
We stood there for a moment, staring at each other. I held my head, because I knew what He was going to say before He said it. "Yes, you did."
"What do you want from me?" I screamed.

Everything slowed. It was as if time itself waited for His answer. My eyes met His and I didn't look away this time. His gaze pierced my heart. Tears flooded my eyes. Finally, He spoke. His words, both beautiful and terrible, ripped through my soul. "I. WANT. EVERYTHING."
I sucked air into my lungs and stumbled backwards. It was as if His words had taken on a life of their own and slapped me in the face. "Everything?"
"Everything. I want your triumphs, I want your pride. I want your relationships. I want your lusts, your selfishness, your desires. I want your dreams, your spirituality, and your idols. I want your love, your desire, your thoughts. I want your actions, your obsessions, your stability. I want-"
I slammed a clenched fist on the table and screamed in rage. "Then what?! Once you've stripped me of everything I have, of everything I am, what do I have left?"

He smiled at me, knowingly. "Nothing. And everything. But I'm not finished yet." He held my gaze and continued. "I want your pain. I want your anger. I want your bitterness. I want your weariness, your exhaustion, and your hopelessness. I want your worries, your doubt, your helplessness. I want your brokenness, your insufficiency, and your sinfulness. I want who you are, and I want who you yearn to be. I want your life."

It is here I have found the overwhelming beauty, and the greatest challenge, of the Gospel; this divine friendship with God. My greatest victory comes only in surrender. My fulfillment only from the pouring out of my life. To experience freedom, I must become a slave. And to truly live, I must die. This should be my privilege and my aim. After all, it's what my best friend did for me.