I Am

I am proud

You don't know me. What you think you know? It is only what I let you know. Nothing more. You can't help me; I don't need help.

I don't speak, because I'm better than that.

I take greater pride in my humility than anything else.

I am better than you, but I'll never say it, because I'm better.

I've never been given anything. What I have is my ability to overcome obstacles and get things done.

I don't want handouts. I despise charity.

I am completely independent. I rely on no one.

I don't need you.

I am irrational

The more people know me, the less they'll want to.

I'm a burden.

An obligation.

An annoyance.

I am unnecessary. I am unneeded.

Filthy.

Disgusting.

Pathetic.

The closer I am, the more hurt I'll bring you. I've done it before, and I'll do it again.

I don't want to hurt you, so I don't speak; even when I should. But I do so much more harm and speak when I shouldn't.

I don't want to be hurt, so I remove myself emotionally.

I turn to humor in pain. It's a strong coping mechanism. Truth is, I laugh it off because I can't find the emotion to cry.

My thoughts won't let me sleep, but thoughts elude my tired mind.

I am fearful

Of being known. Of being unknown.

Of being dismissed, or missing.

Of pain. Of feeling, and unfeeling.

Of reckless words and loving words.

Of weakness, failure, and vulnerability.

Of understanding and misunderstanding.

Of rejection and acceptance.

Of everything and nothing.

Of what I know, what I don't know, and what I wish I could forget.

I am weak

I can't help you, because I can't help myself.

I'm broken,

bitter,

beaten,

and bruised.

Knocked down; and too tired to get back up.

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I am humbled

Spoken to existence.

Known intimately.

Understood fully.

Given everything.

Undeserving.

I am stable

Wanted.

Loved.

Cared for.

Healed.

Joyful.

Thankful.

I am unafraid

Of anything. Of everything.

I am strong

I can help you, because I know I can't help myself.

I'm broken, but not beaten.

Bruised, but not crushed.

Persecuted, but not abandoned.

Knocked down; but not destroyed.

Joy will come at dawn.

In His grace.

In His redemption.

I am His.