It occured to me yesterday that I'm not sure I like it here. Today it only got worse, but I'll come back to that. Now, obviously it's difficult for me to admit that I've been having second thoughts about my adoration for this place, but the fact is that this trip has been completely different from all the others and in some ways quite frustrating. We haven't gone out since we got here and it's been almost a week. The walls are closing in, the kids at the camp we're running aren't as responsive as I'd like, and a 1/2 hour craft session isn't nearly long enough to establish (or even re-establish) meaningful relationships with them. This isn't what I expected. Adding insult to injury, today was one of those where you know as soon as you wake up that it would be best to simply roll over and hit the pillow again. I was late for prayer. I dropped my camera. I stepped in a pan of dirty water/tea on the floor, splashing it both on myself and several kids sitting nearby (don't ask). The kites we were supposed to assemble for crafts today weren't designed properly so we had to spend the afternoon fixing them and the kids weren't able to take them home as promised.
But before you stop reading in complete disgust, allow me the opportunity to not sound like a spoiled American brat. Even in my frustrations and weaknesses, God has been teaching, growing, and stretching me. It has also occurred to me over the past 48 hours that this is life. Life happens, even on the mission field. You can't drift through life, riding one spiritual high after another. I can thank God for experiences like today because otherwise I might slip into the habit of seeing these trips as some sort of escape. A spiritual intoxication to encourage myself. In other words, take something beautiful and selfless, and destroy it as only a sinner knows how: make it all about me.
There is a side to this that I would be a complete fool not to notice. While I haven't been able to connect with many of the kids at the camp, I have quickly gravitated to the children of some of the Pastors and volunteers, who are around the compound much of the day. Much like the kids in Trinidad that I met while ministering there, I have found a compassion and love for these kids who are in the church more than any others, and yet overlooked much of the time. Another aspect I've always enjoyed is the diversity and richness of the different kinds of people you meet in places like this. I've worked side by side with two Afghani Christians, refugees who are here working at the base in India. Heard stories from my friends and co-workers, Amy and Naren, of what it's like growing up in a country that isn't entirely home. Eaten in the homes of the Pastor, and different members of the congregation. This is a side of life that, when I look back, seems almost perfect. Short, simple moments, sometimes easily forgotten, but moments that bring definition and remind me that this also, is life. And life doesn't last. I sensed God telling me this as I talked to Him yesterday. We are eternal. And as children of God, we strive for things eternal. Everything else will pass away. So with that in mind, I can let go of the frustrations, enjoy the beauty, even the brevity, of the "perfect" moments, and know that, as it is said so beautifully in The Gladiator, "What we do today echoes in eternity."
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Amen! It's easy to let ourselves become self-absorbed. and usually God works in ways that we don't expect. I can see God's working in you over there. You better have lots more stories when you come back. Unfortunately I'll be on the other side of the globe when you do. :/ India's pretty close to China. Think there's a chance I'll run into you? xD
ReplyDeleteOh no worries, I'm only scratching the surface, many stories (and pics!) to come! Ummm, who is this by the way? Haha, I was trying to figure it out, but couldn't find a name :P
ReplyDeleteHey David! it's good to hear about your trip, even if it's not what you expected. But hey, that's adventure for ya, right? Anyway, just wanted to leet you know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. . . when do you return to the US?
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